the f.a.n.t.e.

I think I was a bit of a loser in the early years of grade school. I write, "I think" because I didn't know at the time that I was a loser. Not only did I stay in from recess to write in my journal, but I also hung out with the teachers at recess, counted down the days 'til the weekend, and strived to get all pluses in every subject.

Things got more awkward in sixth grade when I developed into a thorough "chunk" with a bright pink cast. How I ever imagined I'd be an olympic balance beamer, I'll never know.

Then came the junior high years when I got called "pizza face" by a little kid half my age and I the years of ugly haircuts.

And then at last, I outgrew it. The ugly phase was behind me. I was now a "real" person.

But that's where I am now, that real person, the thing we call, "being an adult." While I think someday I'll figure out how to do something great, right now I wish I could go back to being that zitty faced teenager and seeing what sort of thoughts were really going through my head. Was I only concerned about those athletic guys I wrote my best friend letters about? Or was there anything else running through that crazy head of mine?